A difficult week for the most part on the cobbles. Oliver’s prized possession is a red car that’s only marginally smaller than the actual car that’s used to drop Shona back on the street. The dual Bailey storyline seems to have the good grace to reach a partial conclusion simultaneously and James is thrilled to hear Kirk sing the new James song that’s sweeping the terraces. The ability of Corrie residents to get their SEO game to astonishing levels continues as Gemma’s vlog manages to attract likes and comments within minutes of its accidental release. Tim’s Dad is out of hospital and out of luck as he tries to get back into Yasmeen’s house. David irks a bunch of teenagers and lures them into an industrial estate for a potentially fatal tickling competition before the police thankfully bring it to a conclusion. Dev refuses to let it lie. Craig is a snitch.
With Oliver seriously ill in hospital, Nick picks this moment to discuss with Leanne where he fits in to what remains of the little boy’s life. Gemma’s been to group therapy and is all better, and takes advice from Sean to record her feelings on a vlog as this was helpful to him that time he was homeless. David opens up about his self-destructive tendencies while Craig drinks water from a questionable source. Tyrone, Fiz, Hope, and Ruby all take joy from winding Evelyn up about her relationship with Arthur. Nina is amazing even when she has zero screen time, and Roy knows a Cradle of Filth track when he hears one. Ed finally works through The Bistro snag list and still has time to take racist Don down a peg or two. Michael’s pep talk to a disinterested Tianna is enough to earn a smooch from Grace. Aggie is creepy.
Poor Oliver has a tough week what with all the seizures. Steve will do anything for a decent bit of sleep then spies Tracy’s cake. Yasmeen is a credible threat to society and a flight risk so Imran’s hopes of getting her bail are in jeopardy. Bernie’s hitting the cider at work and leads Cathy astray. The males in the Bailey household have a really bad day and Danny’s replacement at the Bistro (oh, Danny left, by the way) is not a fan of Ed’s handiwork or his color. Gemma’s not looking forward to her first therapy group session but is surprised to find others share her story, except just not with quads. Arthur invites Evelyn to an Afternoon Dance. David has a tantrum on the bonnet of a Ford Escort. Craig is made of nylon. Tall Matt speaks.
Gary continues to be inappropriately interested in the well-being of the teenaged daughter of a man he killed. David is secretly washing his torn clothes which exhausts him to the point he misses Max’s boring speech at the Community Volunteer Award Whatevers. Nina punches a young pervert and makes Asha’s life feel a lot less hopeless. Yasmeen finds herself in a spot of bother with the worst police force in the UK and is assigned a Detective Sergeant who has definitely woken up on the wrong side of the bed, and a Detective Constable who serves no purpose. Sally is a few pages ahead of Tim who fails to join the dots between Yasmeen, Tim’s Mum, and that Jocelyn Walker women. Oliver is left to run his own bath.
We’re not going to lie, we spend 10 minutes talking about the movie Robo-Dog, which isn’t as good as it sounds. And it sounds awful. Elsewhere, Asha is doing her best to recover from the events of last week, despite the best chat group efforts from Cossy, Jords, and Skegs, and maybe Dev isn’t the worst dad in the universe. Kelly the Chin realizes how bad both her parents are, but finds a savior in Billy, and a creepy stalker in Gary. A broken boiler (which probably isn’t broken) determines the ownership of Number One, while bearded Daniel abandons Beth and Kirk to turn back up in Roys Rolls and the Rovers. Yasmeen has contracted a STI, which apparently is her fault, loses all her clothes, but finds a hero in a bottle of wine. Cathy forgets her character, Summer is a buddy, and did we mention how creepy Gary is?
It’s our 100th episode and we’re day drinking! Huzzah! It’s an incredible week for Asha, not necessarily in a good way, and poor Dev has come to realization that he’s not raising no teenagers in the 1980s. Another three episodes in and we still have no clue what the connection is between Scott and Johnny, and it doesn’t look like we’re about to find out as Johnny goes off to burden Eva with his presence for the next few weeks. The Shady Acres storyline drags itself to an unsatisfying conclusion and Ken drags himself unsatisfactorily back to number one while poor Eccles is memorialized through the medium of art. Sally’s got her heart set on a £2,000 wedding dress that Tim seems to think can be covered by the sale of a small horse. Yasmeen falls out with Cathy and Tim’s Dad is determined to get his hole. Nina calls kids Stranger Things.
The revolving door on Chesney’s house is put to good use again as Bernie comes back. Did she leave last week? We can’t remember. Liz takes a leaf from Kate’s playbook and pisses all over Gemma’s confidentiality by bursting into Dr Gaddas’s office. The fallout from last week’s protest has some unexpected consequences as Arthur reveals a history of civil disobedience, and a bit of work falls into Imran’s lap that Toyah is not happy about, then a bit of Toyah falls into Imran’s lap that he’s very happy about. It’s Fencing Week at Shady Acres, meaning a clash of egos and hair spray as Ken faces off with Charles while Norris comes across some very interesting details on the running of the retirement community. Someone from Johnny’s past scares him off, and then back on to, the lavvy and makes him want to run to France. Asha’s latest example of bad decision-making goes viral and the inexplicably-named Pastel Blue makes an unwelcome return. Cerberus had a hydrotherapy appointment but, due to financial constraints, will be thrown in the canal in future. Cathy has pitta bread ears. Oliver loves Steve.
In easily one of the most depressing set of episodes in some time, poor Zeedan’s head must be spinning in Spain as he contemplates exactly who is turning up to his wedding, while Yasmeen makes a discovery about Tim’s Dad’s past. Emma proves that Seb’s belongings are subject to the laws of gravity just like everything else, and then burdens poor wee Eccles with all her woes. Gemma continues to have dark thoughts while Chesney continues not to notice, and Bernie is back for the third time in as many weeks. David continues to look to get his head kicked in, on the assumption that it will allow him to “feel”. Michael and Alina have an awkward exposition-laden chat. Kelly the Chin shows up at Weathy High, making Gary wonder what exactly he’s paying for if she’s no longer at her fancy private school. Nina, Evelyn, Mary, and Toyah protest something. Oliver takes a turn while watching SpongeBob. Tracy is a cow.
Somehow, despite having half the content to talk about, we still manage to get ninety minutes about this week’s episodes of Corrie. David’s approximately halfway along the up curve of his self-destructive behavior, looking for a square go with anyone he bumps into. Emma’s mistrust of Seb and Alina forces her to make a decision on her current living arrangements. Chesney’s willful ignorance of Gemma’s post natal depression continues while Bernie does her best for her daughter and Cathy gets the credit. Ken’s suspicions of Charles’s running of Shady Acres grow. Yasmeen’s willingness to take Tim’s Dad’s crap appears to have reached its maximum, and it only took a fake heart attack, a password, and Voggle Mail’s handy search function to get there. Gail runs in and then out of Roys Rolls. Steve lets Tracy go outside with a bunch of white in her hair. Tim doesn’t cut off his thumb. Lily fakes her own disappearance.
In this shortened batch of storylines, it’s Gemma’s (and to a lesser extent, David’s) turn to insist THEY’RE ABSOLUTELY FINE, but Bernie isn’t buying it and so replaces a window, gets in a chippy tea, and gets five minutes in front of Dr Gaddas. At Shady Acres, Ken smuggles in Eccles and despite having been for a walk that evening, the old timer takes a pee behind a plant in the hallway; as does Eccles. Brian briefly toys with a beard. Charles’s reign of terror continues unabated. Ryan has an idea with regards to Tim’s Dad and as a result we learn that Zeedan is going on holiday, then Zeedan is getting married but no one’s invited, then Alya and Yasmeen are invited, and then Tim’s Dad is tagging along — don’t be expecting no best man duties, there, Ryan. Evelyn gives Claudia a second chance with better results, and this time Arthur has the good grace to turn up, and it was delightful. David visits Clayton in jail, Nick visits Shona in hospital, and neither have much in the way of success, which drives David onto the sofa and into the arms of a former trafficked Eastern European Sparkle Lounge nail technician.